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So I'm going to share with you, I guess, a message and a time. Do you always, do you want to move in or does that just upset you're already comfortable crossing your legs or whatever? That's fine. Spiritual practices that have helped me in the last year, a journey of grief. And we all know, the Bible tells us, we know from life experience that if you have a life, you are going to die at some point from our pets. Pets, many of us. I've had to put down, we call it put down when it's a pet, all the pets because Ken could never handle it. One time he patted the dog on the head and said, Cheryl, this dog's pretty sick. Because I used to tease him and say, you're going to Australia for six weeks. Say, well, I think the dog won't be here when you get back because it had been a brat or something, you know. But this time he said, because I was nursing the dog, you know, feeding it with a teaspoon. And he said, I think maybe the time has come. So obviously he didn't want to do it. And so that helps me consider whether I'll get a pet again because I know what the end is. I'll fall in love with it and I'll have to let it go. So spiritual practices that have helped me in the last year and it would help any of us that I've come across is what I want to talk about today. Some of it will crisscross with what I said this morning. And that's okay, right? Like I said this morning, I was married for 50 years to the most incredible person I've ever known. And I say that with love and adoration and honour. He was an incredible person. When I go across the nation and even here, somebody just said, we really miss Ken. I say, yeah, I do too. And our whole family misses him. And I'll get phone calls from sons across the nation. We really miss Ken. And, you know, something one of our daughters said to him, Dad, how in the world do you have so many friends and so many people that love you? Every time I walk in the house, you're talking to someone. And he said, well, that's easy. I call them. If I waited for people to contact me, lots of it wouldn't happen. And he used to say to our church that we pastor in Calgary now, you know, it doesn't take a lot to be kind. A text, a phone call. And the old-fashioned card that we might send in slow mail. It's very rare nowadays. And texting has taken over. But he said, really, we can all do it. We can all reach out to people. And I'd come home from work and he'd be on the phone to the other side of the world to somebody. And he told me that he would get up in the morning and say, Lord, who do you want me to encourage today? Thus, the phone calls and check-ins and why he is so missed. And so I would leave that with all of us. This is something we can take away today as women, as people. That we can be encouragers in very simple ways. I'm not as good as Ken. So I have to get on the bandwagon and carry on his legacy of caring and loving.
But I developed at the last session I did with this something I call a tool belt. The tool belt I use to, yeah, you can tie. Tie it on me now. And I'm just calling it a tool belt. It was made by a nurse to be a swift cleaning method. So when she made it, you know, she put her cleaning cloth, the window cloth, the dusting thing, feather thing that you go around your house with. I don't know how those things get anything clean. You know, I had a house cleaner and she'd go over all my stuff with a feather thing. And I said, aren't you just swishing that thing around? Like, I want the dust taken off, not swished onto the next thing. Anyways, this was made to put all those in. So I thought I would use this to show you some of the tools I have used. Now, again, some of them are going to crisscross with what I said this morning. One thing we do in our family that's very helpful is we talk about Ken. And I think when you lose somebody that's very real and close to you, no matter who that relative is, we need to talk about them. What made them special? What did we learn from their lives? And we talk about him probably every time the family gets together. And it helps the grandchildren. Why do I know it's helpful? Well, one of my daughters had a father sudden die after heart surgery. And my husband and I did a video for them for their funeral way over in Vancouver. And since then, they have not looked at a picture of him. They do not talk about him. And they go on with life as if it never happened, but it happened. And when my daughter told her that we talk about our memories of Ken almost every time we meet, and what we loved, and what we learned, and it has healed our heart, she said, oh, I haven't looked at a picture of my dad in a year. I can't bear it. We never talk. I'm telling you, it's a tool of healing. If you've lost someone you love, you need to keep. You need to keep the memory of what blessed you, and what helped you, and what you learned from them alive for the next generation.
Now, there's the opposite, where people have lost someone that maybe wasn't so great in their lives. And that's a different kind of grief. I'm here to talk about the many kinds of grief. I have a close friend who has a different kind of grief, in that her husband is not well, and still being a caregiver, and losing all kinds of abilities, or even the ability to converse and share in the same way. A different kind of very painful grief. Then there's the loss of jobs for people. It can cause a lot of fear and grief. A loss of finance. A loss of friendships. Anybody here lost any close friends over the years of life's journey? A very painful type of grief. We talked about pets, but... There's grief is a part of our life. And to stuff it away does not help us. To ask God to help us, He's an ever-present help in our time of need. And He says that. I talked this morning about worship, and how I love to turn it up loud. So, this is me. This is kind of a picture of me, in my house now, with worship. And I turn it up loud. And, uh... I had to turn it down in the hotel room, because I don't know who I'm bothering next door. I put it on loud this morning. I thought, Cheryl, remember where you are. You were in the hotel. But there's something about loud worship in your ears, when you are grieving, that helps you. And then, give yourself permission to dance before the Lord. There's something very freeing about it. You'd have to know that I'm probably not a person to openly dance. Like some people do, up at the front of the church. I'm a little more behind-the-scenes girl, quiet. But God, in some cases, I remember we had a pastor's camp, asked me to do some things that felt very out of my comfort zone. But in these seasons of grieving, I just feel there are times that I've been dancing with Jesus. And, uh, it is a beautiful, beautiful, private, intimate, love song to Him. Ask God. He will give something that really ministers to your spirit, man. Some lyric, some song. And we all have different styles of music that minister to us, because God's made us very diverse. Like, heavy rock and roll would not cause me to have any of these experiences, I'm sure. But there's some of the younger generation, what, it might be a different kind of music that will really minister to them. It doesn't matter. It's what takes you into the presence and throne of God. And then you start to pray. Sing and pray. And nobody can hear you. Not at my house. It's all alone. I got the whole main floor to dance in, my bedroom to dance in. And, uh, I just do things that you would think. I twirl around like I'm a famous dancer, which I'm not. And, uh, you know, I dip and swirl in God's presence. And somehow when I'm finished, my heart is light, my spirit is light. And then praying, as I said this morning, in my spirit language. And then singing in the spirit. And it was my son-in-law that told me that the girl I told you about in the first service, Sally, when we were praying in intercession together, he said, actually it looked like you were more high and almost off the ground. You know, like you were in another realm. And maybe you have a friend that would pray with you in the spirit. And that is a precious thing as well. If you can pray with a good friend that wants to enter into that kind of worship and intercession and praying in the spirit. I think you can ask Heavenly Father for just about anything. And He will grant it to us in His time. You can ask Him for first, further understanding. You can tell Him how you feel. I've talked to Him about how I feel. That if I was God, I would have taken me to Heaven first and left Ken here. Because he was brilliant, I thought. And a bright light and a broad perspective. I mean, Ken gave me a cliché answer when I told him that in the last few weeks. He said, I could never live without you. I said, oh for goodness sake, that's just ridiculous. But, as we heard this morning, I trust the sovereignty of God and the encouragement of the body of Christ.
The other thing you can't ignore is family. I have an incredible family. Four adult children, two single, two married, seven grandchildren, aged 13 to 19. My adult children are incredibly kind, loving, and helpful. I could call on any of them at any time. Therefore, part of my probably getting through my grieving journey is the incredible support of family. And I know everybody doesn't have that. And they're all in different places of their journey with God. How many here have adult children or children? So no matter where they are in their journey with faith, our prayers never go. They're eternal. And I trust God with them. Even if they're not in the place where we might want them or dream of them to be because that's where we've been at that age. God loves them. Can you believe it? That he loves your children, grandchildren, adult children, little children, more than we ever possibly could. And when that came to me one day, God, you love them more. And you have their journey. And I trust you with them. Because for many people, that is a very big package of grief. When you have, to the best of your ability, raised children in faith. And they're not walking in the same way that you dreamt. But God has them. And the prayers you pray for them are eternal. As was emphasized in this conference already. They don't go to waste. And then I encourage praying as you go. Do you know what I mean by that? I ask God for if he would give me a spirit of prayer. Is that possible, God? To have a spirit of prayer. That you can just call on me at any time of the day. Shopping. Loved when we had to wear the masks at work. Because I can pray in the spirit. And if I move my lips, nobody knew. Because it's behind a mask. I could walk around the hospital. I could walk everywhere praying in the spirit. And because one day I was walking into the hospital praying out loud in the spirit. And people were around me. Like they think you're wacko. But now in cars, people talk all the time because of earbuds. Nobody knows. But I pray quietly in my spirit. At any time. And we, that is the spirit of prayer. I would encourage you. It helps with whatever you're going through in life. Whatever grief you have in life. Ask God for, to increase the reminders to pray. Because if you're like me, I can get so distracted by so many things. But I say, God, remind me. The daughter of the King. Of Most High. And my connection with heaven and prayer is the most important connection I could ever have. The other thing is the word of God. And this conference in church. However you want to get it into you. That's how to do it. Whether it's little verses around your house. Put on your mirror. In your car. Listening to the word. There's no excuse now. I'm talking to myself as well. We have audible Bibles. And, every translation there is. I've probably got them all. My husband and I had an ongoing joke when I would speak. Because I used the message a lot. And he'd say, Cheryl, it's not a translation. I said, I know. And then he'd remind me that, you know, I said, well, you're going to keep the theology straight. This is what I'm going with. I love the message. And, I loved the Phillips translation. And I couldn't find one. It's out of print now. It's one I had as a young teenager. And it would do a difference. It was made in short story form. I'm seeing a nod. Do you know the Phillips translation? Do you have one still? Do you know that they're not printing it anymore? And, my husband lost it years ago. Because I loved it so much. I lent it to him too. We were witnessing to a friend. And the Bible disappeared. But it was one of my favorites. But whatever helps you. The Passion Translation, although there's a big argument whether it's a translation. Did you know that? In the Bible world. It doesn't matter. It's a beautiful way to read the Bible. And then, the spoken word that we had here the other night in worship. Another beautiful expression of the word of God. And as my daughter says, get the word into you. However you can. And so, we are encouraging that. And then of course, do not negate the body of Christ. My granddaughter did these for me. But some of them didn't take. Find friends in the body of Christ that encourage you. And build those friendships. And be together. And if you think you don't want to be there, that means you need to be there more. That's the way I. We need each other in the body of Christ. We need to support one another. Pray for one another. Encourage one another daily. That's a scripture. Because it brings life to people. I've had encouragement here today. Encouragement is a powerful gift. And it also helps us deal with our grief. When I encourage others while I am grieving, it has a boomerang effect. It helps you.
The other thing is, get outside. And I chose mountains. We live in the Rocky Mountains. And whenever we drove to the mountains, Ken would bust, anybody that knew him, would bust into song, singing Majesty. So the whole family now, when we take a drive to the mountains, soon as we turn a side, there's a certain corner, and there's this beautiful view where you see all mountains on all three sides. We all sing Majesty. In remembrance of my husband, who said, I said, Ken, they're the same rocks as last time. And he'd say, no, they're not. The sun's shining on a different angle, and there's a cloud here that wasn't there last time. Every time you look at God's creation, there's a new view. So now we go to the mountains and say, oh, we remember Dad. He loved to come to the mountains and see God's creation, his incredible majesty. And I just say, get outside, go for a walk, prayer walk the area where you live, and pray for your neighbors. And once God heals us, and you say, God, I invite you to minister to me, to change me where I need to be changed, I invite you, I invite you to help me grow. What do you want to do with the rest of my life? Because he has a plan for every single one of us. And you say, well, I'm not as talented. It doesn't matter. God loves you. You're sitting here today for a reason. And you have talents and gifts. You know people that I will never meet. But you will. You shop at a store that I'll never shop at. But you will. And I would encourage you to pray even for the people that you meet all the time in stores. One thing that has helped me with my grief is getting outside and getting to places that I enjoy in the city. I'll tell you how often I go to one place, they know my name. And it's one little strip mall where I know all the stores. Hi Cheryl, here she comes in her yellow coat. They used to call me the girl in the yellow coat. And you get to know people, then they ask questions about your life. Ask God to broaden your perspective because it does help you with your grief. Who's in your neighborhood? What's going on in their houses? But when we walk by and do a prayer walk, say, Lord, would you bring them to you? Would you give me an opportunity? All of these things have helped me get outside of my own journey of grief. The hardest things for me have been the evenings where we used to sit and chat because that's what 50 years of marriage does for you when you get along. And there's chats in the evening and just companionship and friendship. So you miss that. I've been watching history movies and the life of incredible people of the kingdom. Has anybody watched the movie Cabrini? It's on Angel Studios where I found it. Cabrini was the woman who started rescuing children during the war. And do you know that there are orphanages all over the world? She was a Roman Catholic nun. They told her it couldn't be done. And she found out these poor kids were living under bridges and cold. And they said, you can't do this as a female. That was the wrong thing to say to Cabrini. I would encourage you, do you know that there are places for children today because one woman made a difference? The power of one. We met somebody that made a difference at this conference. Mars, did everybody, was everybody hear her? If you didn't hear her, I think it was probably recorded. You need to listen to her. Wow, I don't, I am sure I do not have the strength to go through what she did. What an incredible person. Women, we're a mighty force. We are a mighty force. With our prayers, with our faith, with giving God permission to work in our lives. And I'll tell you what, all of this takes us outside of the pain that we may be going through inside. It turns us outward instead of always inward.
The other was I recently watched the life of Bonhoeffer. Has anybody watched that movie? Incredible. And then the life of Dr. Ben Carson, an American. It's called The Gifted Hands. These uplifting, encouraging things make me realize that all of us in the hands of God are mighty in Him. Like I said, if I had chosen, I would have gone to heaven first and left my husband here. But I trust in the sovereignty of Almighty God. It's not the plan He had for me. And Ken is in a better place. The other thing I've done is I went crazy looking for books on heaven. And in that bag there's a book. And I would encourage you if you were in a place of grief, take a trip to the bookstore. Now this was written. His name is John Burke. Has anybody ever heard of this guy? He's a pastor in Austin, Texas. A multi-church site. I found this at Indigo of all places. Not a Christian bookstore. And he and his wife, they've been on the New York Times bestseller, Imagine Heaven. They founded the Gateway Church, a multi-site church in Austin, Texas. He's an international speaker. He went on a journey to study near-death experiences around the world. Now I get so excited about this book, I become a bit unglued. Because it's not just Christians. All kinds of faiths, religions, and people have reached out to him. A near-death experience means that you have, clinically you're dying and they're pretty well leaving you for dead. And then you come back. That's what this book is about. And he wrote interviews with all these people. Quite a few months ago, before Ken died, I realized now after reading this that he had an NDE, a near-death experience. And let me tell you about it. He'd had a special treatment for the cancer that he had. I left my phone out. It was a suite in an outer room. And you know, sometimes when you're married a long time, there's a certain tone that your spouse calls you with that you know they're in trouble. And I ran to the bathroom, very small bathroom, old hotel, downtown Toronto. And he said, I think I'm passing out. I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, you are. When he is fainting, his base color was golden, yellow. He was profusely sweating. And then as he said it, he was gone and my phone was in the other room. And he had no carotid pulse. His pupils were dilated. I reached for a radial pulse and I found a faint one. I thought, well, he's still alive and if I'm going to do CPR, I've got to get him on the floor and I've got to call 911 and the phone's out there and I don't want to leave him alone. He'll have brain damage. That's a dumb move. He's heavier than you, bigger than you and the bathroom's not wide enough. You're going to drop him on the floor. All of these seconds, right? And so his head was lolling to the side and he was gone and colder by the minute. And I started praying, praying in the spirit, yelling at him and then I said, God, no, not now. No, not here, not now, please. Please, no, no, no, no. And then I smacked him a few times. Wake up! I said, you come back here. And I had to keep holding his head because it was lolling off to the side. I mean, the man's dying. And I said, did you hear? Get back here! You're not doing this here now, no! And I'm yelling at God, yelling at Ken. He told me after. And this is what my patients have told me and this is what the book says. He said, I was up on the ceiling watching you. And I heard you calling me and I heard you calling on God but I couldn't answer you. Of course you can't. Your spirit is leaving your body. I'm telling you, he almost went to heaven. Probably two years before. And God heard my cry and sent him back. And I had him till 2025. So when I read this book and they all explain the same thing. They're up on the ceiling watching everyone, watching the doctors. Now, the time in heaven as explained in the book how can those people see all that when they've only been out of their body for 15 minutes or 20 minutes as doctors or whatever work on them? Well, because God's timeframe is so different than our earthly one. So in this book, I'd encourage you to read it if you are grieving and you want to get excited about what's in store for us as believers. I become unglued. And I've got about 10 books at home I'm going through about heaven. Do you know that we have an incredible hope in Christ? They all explain the same thing. Some of them don't say it's Jesus because they've been raised as many different faiths and religions. But they all explain the same feeling. This incredible love that we have no words for. It's liquid. It's a bright white light. Often they explain I was going through a tunnel so fast I didn't know when I was going to stop and I came into this incredible light. There's a lot of details in here. Some of them have seen the city of God with gates and pearls. And none of them want to come back. None. And God says I want you to go back. And the one that really just I haven't finished the book yet. Here's my bookmark. He was a man that knew nothing about Jesus Christ. But he said I knew it was Jesus. And he said tell me because this man also had a vision down below of the abyss. Darkness. And he said I knew I didn't want to go there. And once you go there you don't come out. This is everything he understood in his near death experience. He said I want to stay in this place of love. This liquid love. This bright light. This peace. He said be sure I can come back because God said I'm sending you back. And he gave him three things. Five things to do. The first one was to love your wife and children. You go home and love your wife and your children. That makes God's heart joyous. Love your spouse ladies. Treat them well. If you have a spouse. These are spiritual things. These are things we can do. On our 50th anniversary we went out for dinner and she said well can I please tell you what is the secret to being married 50 years? Oh I said that's easy. I treat him as my gift in life. And he treats me as his gift. It's as simple as that. If you really believe your spouse is a gift you will not treat them badly. That's a spiritual practice. He said and then I want you to be kind to people. Can we all be kind? Imagine that as an instruction for God himself. And help people. Be kind to the broken-hearted. Be kind to the poor. And help them. Sounds like the New Testament doesn't it? This man has since come to know Christ. I think you'll be excited. I'd encourage you to go get the book. You can even get it on Audible. And I think it's the author that reads it to you. And he repeats this and scriptures through the book. It will be a big encouragement to you. To help you with whatever grief you're walking through or may walk through. Because we are releasing as believers people into our eternal reward. What an exciting thing. What an exciting thing. I have one by C.S. Lewis wrote a book on grief after he lost his wife. And the grieving room is another one written by a pastor's wife. There are so many at home. I have pictures of them all. I would just encourage you to go to a store if you are in a place of grieving and read some of the very healthy books on grief. That help you understand and move beyond. For me, it's been an immense help. And I have released my husband with absolute joy at this time.
I also believe that if you really love someone and you see them in pain you can ask them to come to you and artificially stay for yourself for myself. I released him to his heavenly reward with absolute joy. As we all prayed over him Psalm 23 and with tears and weeping released him he had said to his seven grandchildren you know, don't worry if you feel sad you need to know that this shell that I lived in I will heal that when I leave here. My real being my real spirit is up with Jesus. And that has helped them in this journey. And that's another thing I mentioned this morning talk to your children your grandchildren as a husband and wife talk about that which we will go through at some point in our life. I remember watching Ken he said what do you think Cheryl? Do you think I'm going to make it? I said well it's like this this foot is in faith that God can do anything and we've seen miracles everywhere around the world this foot is in my experience of 51 years as a nurse and looking at you I actually think you probably will be going to heaven. So let's talk about this. I said he'd been making fun of me because I was looking for a burial ground that would be around the house that I could go visit and talk to God and ask God to talk to him up in the heavenly realm and finally he said you are like a dog with a bone I said yep because I really want to have the faith you're going to be healed and I want us to buy it even if you don't die until 20 years from now which is my hope but I don't want to visit you out in the country or across this busy city. He said and this this is the way he was he said well 18 months ago I met a Russian priest over at a burial ground near us and I said you're just telling me now well he said I've made friends with him I said well let's go okay so then I had to bug him a bit more and say have you phoned have you made an appointment and he finally phoned we went over there it was cold it was January we bought two plots and that was the funny part that's why it's healthy to talk about these things and the guy said father stands he's a Russian Orthodox priest came to Calgary the government gave him money to fix up this grave site that was overgrown it's very beautiful I should have it on my computer to show you he said well I have plots way back there at the back they're almost all gone at the front I said are there two left? I want them at the front why aren't we looking for you in the winter? you know I want to be able to find you right at the front row he said yeah I got two left good sold I said we want those two right in the front row right behind the fence and then the only disagreement we had he said well we'll get just a little flat oh no we won't I said no I want a headstone where I can sit my latte right on it when I come to visit you he said that's crazy I said no I want to be able to find you I want people to be able to read the scripture we're going to eventually put on the headstone and I want to visit you easily do you know that I can walk to this place from my house and do we visit it? Yes the day before I came here and we put a big pot of beautiful summer flowers and his little picture is there because we don't have a headstone yet then I found a book by a Christian minister that you have a headstone and the words you say are for future generations so we will get a headstone I was so blessed by that you think of the future generations that will read a scripture from the word of God that will tell them there is hope in this life of eternal life on a headstone maybe a hundred years from now the oldest grave there is in the 1800s and everybody that comes to it I think his death Ken has brought so much traffic to that grave place there's people visiting it all the time and they text me and say I went to visit Ken's burial site today and just sat and talked to God there's a big rock by it and you can sit there the whole family went the other day on June 3rd before I flew out here June 5th do you know that I go over there with my latte and talk to Heavenly Father I talk to Ken pretending because I don't know that there's a thin veil between heaven and earth or I say in case God would you just look him up there and say we miss him we love him and we're doing well because of all he poured into our lives do you know that heals my heart and it's right in the front row so you know he laughed about it little did he know by June he was going to be in that grave site the beautiful thing was our good friends Kim and Mark came to help with the celebration of life they used to be on staff with us at a church in Calgary and Mark did the service I didn't even plan on saying this but I feel it's important in all the funerals and grave site services I've been to I'd never seen one like this it could be that this was originally a Catholic grave site I don't know maybe somebody can educate me later in all the services I've been to with Ken they only lowered the casket you know to ground level and then waited till the family left no they put him right down seven feet oh so some of you know about that is this something new or am I don't know and then we had taken all the beautiful flowers that had been sent so I said these flowers are only going to live a week anyway sadly with all the beautiful flowers we received everybody grabbed colored flowers we're taking them all to the grave site we put them in a pail everybody threw a colored flower seven feet down on the casket and then one of the grandchildren threw in a gold golf ball so he could golf in heaven and the other one threw in a little football so he could play football with all of his friends that have gone off the field before him then all of the children were allowed to lean over the edge of the grave site and look inside all the way down in the dirt then they all got there were two pails of dirt they all got a handful.
